What to blog???

project 52

I have so many blog posts running through my mind that when I sit down I don't know what to blog about.

It's 10:15 and I am on my second cup of coffee. I did my morning work out, played with little miss C and now she is down for a nap. I always get to this point in the morning and think.... what to do??

I have to be honest, I miss working. I have loved the 2 month break from work, being home with Carsyn and just loving on her and watching her personality flourish. She is the apple of my eye and I couldn't be more blessed.

I have had time to invest in my Photography Company and I have really seen that grow. I have 6 photo shoots and a wedding booked in August. I am excited.

But over the last two weeks I have come to the realization that I am going to be a mom who works. Not full time, but at least part time. I am fine with this. It had to be my decision though. Two months ago when Drew was talking to me about working I would burst into tears and explain that I wanted to be home. I just needed my time to realize it. Now that I know, I am actively looking for a job... but the stupid job market has dwindled to nothing. If anyone has any ideas shoot them my way. I would love to get back into event planning so hopefully a door will open there!

Anyways this past week has been rough. I watched a friend lose her baby at 18 weeks and my heart has hurt for her every minute of everyday. I am constantly thinking about the pain she must be going through and how she is handling this. I cannot imagine her heartache.

Life is so interesting.

My Baby Sister…

Sister,
I remember the day mom and dad brought you home from the hospital. I was 6.5 years old and thought that you were my new little baby doll. I sat at the foot of the couch just staring at everyone who came over to hold you. I couldn’t wait to get my hands on you! You were such a sweet little girl growing up. Carsyn reminds me of you as she carefully inspects all of her toys, learning the ends and outs of how they work. I remember you always had little puffy eyes; Carsyn has the same puff under her eyes. Just yesterday she was crawling into the bathroom and I yelled MEGAN I mean CARSYN!! I do this on a daily basis.

I remember I wanted you to let me play with your hair so bad but you would not have it. I tried to explain to you, Megan, this is why mom had you, so that I could play with your hair, this is what big sisters do. You would run off and tell mom and I would think DANG IT! You did let me dress you up a lot though. I was always putting you into mom’s nightgowns and dad’s works pants! You fit perfectly into my baby doll stroller too! I just tied you in with a jump rope and pushed you around. See, I was a good mama from the get go! ;)

I remember when you were 6 and I was in Junior High you had your second brain surgery. I do not really remember your first surgery but your second one is very clear in my mind. I remember sitting in gym class looking at the clock and realizing you were in surgery at that moment. A rush of anxiety and fear came over me and I remember bursting into tears and running to the locker room.

Miraculously Megan, you have beaten the odds. I know you know this, but you are one in a million. Most people with your diagnosis are not able to live a normal life. No one would ever know that there was ANYTHING wrong with you (unless of course they watched you try to ride a bike, hehe). But seriously, you amaze me.

Megan you are the most driven person I have ever met. Your drive and your will amaze me constantly. You know what you want and you set your mind to it and you achieve those goals. At 19 I was nothing near the person you are. At 25 I still don’t think that I am.

I am so excited to watch you start OBU next year. I know that you will flourish, grow beyond your wildest dreams, you will hurt, you will find joy, you will be stretched, you will have some of the best times of your life and you will be forever changed. College is such a wonderful memory of mine and I am so excited to see you make wonderful memories.

Megan: Thank you for being my little sister but also my big sister. Thank you for loving me so much that I can feel it. Thank you for always be honest and truthful with me. Thank you for fighting with me and constantly putting me in my place. Thank you a million times over for loving my baby girl the way that you love her. Every time you get around her, her eyes light up. She loves her Auntie Megan more than you can understand. Thank you for supporting my dreams and my goals and encouraging me in them. Thank you for laughing with me to the point of sometimes peeing in our pants.

Megan you are the best sister a girl could ask for.

Happy 19th Birthday Baby Sister.

Love,

Shan

Place Caption Here __________

I would love to hear your Captions for this photo!

Being a Mama... Project 52

I'm not exactly sure where I am going with this post so if I get all over the place, hang with me.

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. I was tired, crabby and didn't want to do a thing. Drew had to go run a few errands so Carsyn and I were just hanging out. She woke up crabby too so the two of us were not a good mix. She went back down for a nap and I should have joined her. She woke up about an hour and a half later... still crabby (she has an ear infection). Much to my dismay I put in Baby Einstein as a last resort. I am not a fan at all of TV for babies or baby Einstein but every once in a while isn't going to hurt her. Right?

I put in Baby Signs because I wanted to learn a few more to teach her. She knows, more and all done but I don't know anymore to teach her. I teach her MaMa all the time but she just stares at me. THEN we are sitting on the floor watching and they started the MaMa section and the girl starts signing MaMa like she knew it all along. I tackled her and started giggling with her, it made me so proud.

Anyways it made me think a lot about being a mom. A lot of my dearest friends are having babies right now and it is so fun to watch. I think about them being in the hospital, bringing them home, you know all of the first PRECIOUS moments. I cannot help but get tears in my eyes at thinking it. I am praying that all of you are soaking up each moment. It goes by TOO FAST.

How do I have a baby girl that is almost ten months old? I don't get it. But I know I love her with every ounce that is in me and then some.

Cheers to all you mama's out there! You are doing great! Random post.

Project 52 Week ??? 9 Photo By My MaMA

.style.

I am in the process of building a new photography website and I am so excited. It is sleek, fun, interactive, user friendly and professional. It is an exciting step for me and I cannot wait to share the finished product with you (probably in 2 weeks).

During the process of building the website I have been forced to sit back and consider MY Photography and MY style. I spend hours and hours looking at other peoples work, talking with other photographers about their shooting style, how they post process... blah blah you name it.

This can be a positive and a negative thing. I think it is great to learn from others and to be encouraged but I need to come into my own. I need to stick to MY style and move forward. I know what MY style is. I know what I want. I know what I want my photos to look like. I want them to be SHARP. I want them to be RICH in color. I want them to be FUN. I want them to REFLECT the person in front of my lens not the person behind the camera. Anytime I have a shoot I make an effort to get to know the family before I stick a camera in their face. Nothing like staring at someone through your lens and knowing nothing about them.

Anyways, I am off to edit a precious shoot of twin two year old boys. Fun!!

9 Months + Wagon Ride!

Carsyn has grown up out of nowhere lately. Sometimes I look at her and think, where did my baby girl go? She's got attitude, she's got sas, she is full of energy, and she keeps us on our toes! Everyday she is doing something new and we stand there drop jawed. Life gets busier and busier chasing after her. There are nights when I finally get her to bed and realize I haven't had anything to drink since my morning coffee or anything to eat since the night before. I cannot imagine what will happen when she is walking. Which I can see shortly on the horizon. She walks along the couch so I know it is only weeks, but I am praying months before she shows us up. YIKES

But we love her to do death and could not imagine our lives without her. How cute is she in this little Wagon. It has been passed down for a few generations now. Thanks Chartney's and the Summers we love it.

Love you little Petunia (unsure how to spell that).

Sneak Peak from this weeks photo shoots!

Got to see one of my dearest friends... and her soon to be baby boy Cael.


An old friend from OBU...


and Two of Drew's old friends from High School...


Hope you guys enjoy!